At BlazeWell, one of our core values is thriving beyond society’s expectations of age and appearance. If you’ve ever felt like your body is under a microscope, too old, too soft, too different – you’re not alone.
While many of us like the idea of owning our bodies, our power unapologetically, we spent our entire youth and early 20s soaking up media images of the female “ideal”. Whether it was Kate Moss’s heroin-chic or Cindy Crawford’s sexy curves, not to mention MuchMusic videos like Warrant’s Cherry Pie (!!!!), the message we absorbed was that we weren’t enough. Too skinny and “boyish”, way too curvy, too muscular, not muscular enough – women have always been measured against impossible ideals. It is a wonder we escaped the 80s and 90s with any semblance of self-esteem.
The Pressure to Stay Young
The pressure to look young is real. Every single product out there is targeting our insecurities like skin quality or the latest workout or the next diet to make you lose the “meno-belly” fast! Heck, even when I was designing my website…try finding pictures of healthy, happy middle-aged women. Almost impossible. Shutterstock has an abundance of young (and very thin) fitness girlies and some super radiant seventy-year-olds holding 3-pound dumbbells, but not much in between!! What’s with that?
If you’ve felt a little invisible, that’s because we are – unless someone can make money off us. It can feel like midlife women are either invisible or caricatured.
Now, as a cascade of changes are happening, we see signs of aging in ourselves. Maybe the chin hair plucking is becoming tougher (especially if you need your reading glasses to find them!). Maybe your favorite jeans no longer fit, no matter how much you jump up and down to pull them on. Perhaps you feel unsure what clothes look good anymore, or whether they are even in style. And then there are the more frequent hair-color appointments to try to keep the greys covered (while ignoring your bank statement, eek), because God forbid someone think that you are “letting yourself go”.
The truth is, none of these changes make you less worthy, less beautiful, or less powerful. They simply make you human.
Redefining Acceptance
Now is a powerful time to step back, take a breath and ask: What am I doing it for? Who am I doing it for?
If you want to take it deeper, you could journal or reflect: “If I wasn’t trying to meet anyone’s expectations, what would caring for my body look like?”
This stage of life brings so many changes. Some are hard to accept – less present teens or an empty nest, parents who are aging, frail or gone, fresh-faced go-getters at work while your own drive feels different. Compound that with shifts in your inner world and your physical body, and it’s a lot. It is normal to have feelings about it. Maybe it’s grief. Maybe it’s anger. Maybe it feels unfair.
Many women struggle with the idea of acceptance because we conflate acceptance with “giving up”. But what if acceptance is not resignation – it’s curiosity? What would it look like to ask: How can I best support myself now? This isn’t about “giving up”; it is about reclaiming your energy for what truly matters.
The incredible thing is that the more we truly care for and nurture ourselves, the outcomes we are seeking naturally start to occur. Nurturing can look like: food that fuels, following through on commitments, setting and maintaining boundaries or movement that feels good.
Oftentimes when I start working with midlife women, they have very specific outcomes in mind, a number on the scale or fitting into a certain pair of jeans. But as we move forward, the realization often comes that what they really wanted was how they hoped those things would make them feel: more energetic, more confident, more peaceful, and more joyous.
Living Unapologetically
Living unapologetically doesn’t mean ignoring your health or pretending you don’t care. It means refusing to measure yourself against impossible standards and choosing instead to take care of your precious body (cause it’s the only one you have).
It’s the freedom to dress in the way that is comfortable for you, it’s moving your body in ways that feel strong and joyful instead of punishing, and feeding yourself with nourishment, rather than guilt or shame. It is about taking up space and living out loud and pursuing the things that light you up – not shrink you down.
When you release the pressure to look a certain way, you create the space to live the way you’ve always wanted to. This is the beauty of midlife: claiming your body and your life, completely on your terms.
Your body does not need to apologize for changing, it does not need to fit anyone else’s ideal. It is yours, yours to care for and yours to claim. Fully. Unapologetically.
*If this resonates and you are ready to start supporting your body in ways that feel sustainable, I’d love to help. Reach out or explore my programs. I’m always happy to chat!”
Xo,
Kim
